Kiss and Tell

Should I sleep with this guy? Please check yes or no.

Good-looking, charming, intelligent, good with his hands.
Snarky, appears to be interested, lives 1500 miles away.
We grew up together but were never really friends.
Our mothers know each other.  Well.
He spent the night with me last night - a platonic sleepover, c’est tout.
(Bonus points awarded for his spooning skills, seriously well done.)

Oh, and he’s only in town until Wednesday.

Driving myself crazy - indecisiveness is very unlike me!  Clearly I’m generally governed by the ‘fuck first, ask questions later’ philosophy.  But goddamn, you know?  Even a full fucking decade later, fucking high school still manages to complicate fucking everything.  Barf.

- M

watching the yankees play on tv is my version of blue balls.

- mc

It's a long way down.

Spent the better part of last week (in every sense, ha) with my best man friend in town from the west coast.  I should clarify, I refer to this bmf as ‘the love of my life’ in every conversation I have about him.

And now he’s gone back home and it’s like I’ve just woken up trapped in a snow globe without any of the pretty glitter.  Compare it to the first morning heading back to work after an amazing travel experience and realizing that the your everyday mundane life ain’t shit compared to that technicolor kaleidoscope world you just left.

In other words, yeah… I’m straight up fucking depressed.

[Side note: Sleeping alone without him next to me just plain sucks.]

This letdown?  The mean reds?  Sure, same thing happens every goddamn time I see him - which tends to be twice a year or so, and we’ve known each other damn near a decade, including the college years - but this time the reaction is amplified because our weekend together involved a friend’s wedding - THOSE ARE ALWAYS DANGEROUS! - and the inevitable mob of interrogating family/wedding guests…

‘So when are YOU TWO getting married?’
‘Why aren’t you guys together anyway?’
‘You’re obviously sooooo in love with each other’
‘Why don’t you just move out there?  What are you waiting for?’
‘You’re both single?  Are you kidding?  Well, I guess I just don’t get it, then.’
‘Nobody will give me a straight answer about this, but I need to know: Do they [read: he and I] have sex?’

(that last one was from his mother, actually, and clearly a favorite).

After being asked the same questions so many goddamn times, I gotta admit… I’m starting to forget what the hell my answer was in the first place.

Fuck.  I gotta stop putting myself through this shit…

I just don’t know how.

- M

tell me whyyyy

why do i get jealous when a guy (who i have NO interest in sexually/emotionally/friendshiply) lists that he’s “in a relationship” on FB? WHY?!

- mc

i just described someone’s style of smiling as

“she looks like she’s semi-pooping and being really smug about it.”

maybe i should find a guy who will think that’s funny.

or just start my own personal blog.

- mc

Coming Soon:

kissandtell:

Follow-up piece discussing this week’s edition of my crazy fucking life, ‘I think I may love him.’

Fuck.

- M

de-tails-de-tails-de-tails! 

Coming Soon:

Follow-up piece discussing this week’s edition of my crazy fucking life, ‘I think I may love him.’

Fuck.

- M

I think I may hate him.

kissandtell:

We really got along except when he was insensitive and blunt about my personal failings.

I’m conflicted. I want him and I want to hurt him.

R

‘Insensitive and blunt’ are not the same thing as ‘direct and honest.’  Those are not adjectives I want to hang in my holiday tree.  And goddamnit, just because a man is attractive and makes me angry (read: hot and bothered) doesn’t make the two of us Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy.  [Sigh.  Although I keep fucking trying to make that scenario work, it just doesn’t.  Damnit.]

In my experience, these kinds of verbal signals essentially guarantee a dead-end relationship.  However, there is hope: I’d say you’ve got decent odds that the sex could be fantastic.  As in, rough, dirty, and satisfying on a completely primal level.

I say get naked together and make him pay.  (Tie him up?  Throw him around?  Get out the leather?) And then control-alt-delete him from your life.  Quickly.  Delaying this step makes everything so much fucking worse.  Really, it does.

- M

I think I may hate him.

I just got back from a second date with, D. It was fun and we laughed a lot but I get the sneaking suspicion that I hate him. We really got along except when he was insensitive and blunt about my personal failings.  

I’m conflicted. I want him and I want to hurt him. 

R